A must-read for Men – and the Men in your life!
Ella stood on the stage, poised for her very first dance concert, nerves and excitement battling each other as the curtains parted. Dizzy with anticipation she curtseyed – looking out into the vast crowd. Squinting against the bright lights she spotted her Mum and grandparents beaming proudly, her eyes swung around searchingly and her little heart sank deep into her chest as she saw the empty chair where Dad should have been. After the performance was finished, Mum promised her that Dad was going to come but he had a work ‘emergency’ at the very last minute. But it wasn’t the first time and the words rang out emptily in her ears.
Meanwhile Dad is rushing to a last minute meeting, that pulsing headache is back and he feels the sweat breaking out as his heart races like mad. The concert flashes through his mind with a guilty pang – but right now he has more pressing problems and surely it is ok to miss just one concert… right? In his mind he is a good Dad as he works hard and gives his little girl all she needs in life….. but there is a nagging feeling perhaps his priorities are slipping a little out of control.
Anxiety has often sat in the background but lately it has started taking over. He tells himself his recent reuptake of smoking is just short term, the six or so coffees a day he needs to get through the day and the extra beers in the evening, well he has to have them just to unwind. He drops off to sleep on the couch straight after dinner and if anyone bothers him it had better be for a good reason; he feels grumpy and intolerant. Motivation has slipped and the dragging fatigue means that his daily workouts have petered to barely once a week and he has been making excuses to his mates about the boy’s weekend away. His wife is busy too, and they are passing like ships in the night.
Men are developing anxiety disorders and/or depression at rapidly growing rates. Up to 17% of men aged 18+ have experienced a mental health condition. While women tend to have stronger social networks to guide them through crisis times, men often suffer in silence. They may find they are spiralling out of control and it’s affecting every aspect of their lives.
So if this is the case, why aren’t more men seeking help? Why is it that men find it so difficult to take action so they can change this? Unfortunately it is feelings of shame that they will be perceived as ‘weak’ and a failure, it makes them feel embarrassed and it’s just not manly to be anxious or depressed. The stereotypical Aussie man doesn’t need anyone else. He can figure things out for himself – right?? He doesn’t want to worry his family and friends, and who has time to see a doctor.
Such social expectations or stereotypes have led many men into the depths of depression or living under the grip of anxiety. Thankfully, over recent years, men have come forward and started to talk about their challenges with mental health, destabilizing to some degree the tough Aussie guy persona – a welcome change.
You can read some of their stories here:
https://themighty.com/2016/10/headsupguys-men-share-their-depression-stories/
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/personal-stories
Men may reach for alcohol, drugs or smoking to cope instead of looking for help and unfortunately are three times more likely than women to attempt suicide. The highest risk group for suicide among males is 30-55, the age when all these work and life pressures can come to a head in their life.
Given the challenges men face on a daily basis, it’s imperative that they start to look out for themselves. I guarantee most men take far better care of their car than they do of their health! At this point here, I could recommend you various ‘tips’ to help such as eating well, spending time doing things you are passionate about, family time, meditating and so on. However, I know that usually once anxiety has taken hold it is hard to even contemplate how to get out of it. The best advice I can give is please reach out for help. If you are fed up and ready to make a change, now is the time.
I’ve worked with a number of men to help them find a way through their stress, anxiety or depression. Men like Ella’s Dad, who are seemingly setting up to lose everything if they don’t make a change. They come through the other side of stress and anxiety and are truly amazed at how wonderful their life can be. We work together on the triggers and different ways to manage. Along with gentle dietary changes, I utilise nutritional and herbal medicine to help the body cope while we develop a plan to stabilise those swirling thoughts and give you clarity of mind. Your life can be one of happiness and balance, and it’s surprising how rapidly things can change when you have a fresh set of eyes on the situation, guiding you through.
If you’re a man – please – speak to someone if you’re not coping. Speak to a family member, friend or your doctor. If you don’t feel like you can talk to someone you know – try Men’s Helpline – 1300 78 99 78. You can remain anonymous and speak to a trained counsellor about the issues you are experiencing. Or if you know or suspect a man you care about is struggling and want to encourage them to seek help – reach out and open up a conversation with them.
If you think what I offer fits with what you need, you can book a complimentary strategy call here and we can have a chat to see if we are a good fit to work together to get on top of your stress and anxiety. Together we can bring back some clarity, energy and calm to your life. Just do something different – don’t be the stereotype, it’s no longer serving you. Be the seeker, the example, the brave one and do it now.
Resources:
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
References:
http://www.mindframe-media.info/for-media/reporting-suicide/facts-and-stats
http://www.mindframe-media.info/for-media/reporting-mental-illness
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/men/anxiety-in-men
Great article and very good advice.
If you don’t do anything different nothing will change!
Thank you Stephen, yes that is so true!